As an experienced mental health professional, I understand the distress and apprehension associated with separation anxiety. Whether you’re dealing with relationship separation anxiety or full-on separation anxiety disorder, the fear of losing important relationships can cause excessive distress and worry.
This blog post will explore separation anxiety and how it affects adults in romantic relationships and other important connections. We’ll also discuss anxious attachment styles and how they play a role in experiencing separation anxiety.
If you’re struggling with adult separation anxiety disorder or want to learn more about this common issue, read for tips on managing your symptoms. From cognitive behavioural therapy to seeking support from family members or a family therapist, there are many ways to cope with excessive feelings of fear when separated from loved ones.
What is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is an emotional and physical response to the fear of being separated from someone or something that gives us a sense of security. It can manifest in different ways, such as feeling anxious when your partner leaves for work or on vacation, worrying about their safety, or having difficulty sleeping without them by your side.
It’s a common experience among those who have experienced insecure attachment styles during childhood.
The psychology behind relationship separation anxiety is complex and multifaceted. Generally speaking, it’s believed to stem from our innate need for connection and attachment with others; when those bonds are threatened or broken, we may experience feelings of abandonment or loneliness, which manifest as anxiety.
Other factors such as childhood trauma, past relationships that went wrong, low self-esteem and insecurity may also play a role in developing this condition.
Separation anxiety in adults may be sparked by extended absences, feelings of neglect, worry about expressing true emotions, intense jealousy and possessiveness, fear of abandonment, a belief that one’s partner is irreplaceable or trust issues from past betrayal.
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Signs and Symptoms
Adult separation anxiety disorder (ASAD) affects adults who experience unusually strong fear associated with leaving home or loved ones behind. This can be especially challenging in romantic relationships where one partner experiences ASAD while the other does not understand why they cannot spend time apart without feeling anxious.
These anxieties may interfere with concentration on unrelated tasks and lead to poor problem-solving skills due to emotional distress. Despite one’s best efforts, there is no way that safety and security can always be guaranteed – a feeling of helplessness often results.
Common symptoms include excessive clinginess, frequent crying or tantrums, difficulty sleeping alone, nightmares about being separated from their loved ones, panic attacks and physical ailments such as stomachaches and headaches.
Physical Symptoms
Adult separation anxiety disorder (ASAD) affects adults who experience unusually strong fear associated with leaving home or loved ones behind. This can be especially challenging in romantic relationships where one partner experiences ASAD while the other does not understand why they cannot spend time apart without feeling anxious.
These anxieties may interfere with concentration on unrelated tasks and lead to poor problem-solving skills due to emotional distress. Despite one’s best efforts, there is no way that safety and security can always be guaranteed – a feeling of helplessness often results.
Common symptoms include excessive clinginess, frequent crying or tantrums, difficulty sleeping alone, nightmares about being separated from their loved ones, panic attacks and physical ailments such as stomachaches and headaches.
Behavioural Symptoms
- Refusal to go anywhere without a caregiver present (even familiar places);
- Inability to be apart even for brief periods (e.g., going out for errands);
- clinging behaviour (constant need for reassurance);
- constant worry about losing someone close to them;
- intense fear when left alone at night (or during other times).
- rocking back and forth while sitting down,
- playing with toys obsessively, etc.,
- and compulsively checking on things repeatedly throughout the day (such as door locks).
Cognitive Symptoms
Cognitive symptoms related to separation anxiety disorder can vary depending on the individual’s age and level of development but usually involve obsessive thoughts focused on reuniting with the attachment figure(s) in question – this could mean:
- Constantly thinking about where they are located geographically if not physically present and persistent worries that something bad will happen if said person is not always around them.
- Difficulty concentrating on tasks unrelated to reuniting with an attachment figure(s),
- Poor problem-solving skills due to emotional turmoil caused by worrying too much about potential losses leading up to events such as holidays or trips away from home etc.,
- Feeling helpless because there is no way one can guarantee safety & security all the time regardless of how hard they try etc
Overcoming Separation Anxiety
1. Create Boundaries
Creating boundaries is key. Set aside specific times to check in with your partner and stick to them. That way, you can give yourself the mental space to focus on your day without worrying about what you might be doing or thinking. Additionally, if it helps, make a list of activities that will help distract you from thoughts of missing them during those moments apart.
2. Focus On Quality Time Together
It’s easy for relationships to become distant when both partners are busy with their own lives and responsibilities. So, prioritize quality time together each day—even if it’s just 10 minutes of conversation over dinner or walking around the block after work. This can help keep the connection alive while giving each person enough space to do their own thing.
3. Practice Good Communication Skills
Good communication isn’t a cure-all, but it can go a long way toward easing relationship distress. Talk openly about how you feel—whether that means telling your partner that certain topics make you uncomfortable or simply expressing why being away from them causes worry and stress—so they understand where these feelings come from and how best to support one another through this process.
4. Take Care Of Yourself First
Your needs should always come first in any healthy relationship; don’t forget this important lesson. Take care of yourself mentally by engaging in activities that bring joy, such as reading books, playing sports, cooking meals etc., all things which will give your mind some respite from anxious thoughts about missing your partner too much when separated.
10 Tips for Dealing With Separation Anxiety in Relationships
- 1. Recognize the Signs
- 2. Talk to Your Partner
- 3. Seek Professional Help
- 4. Reduce Stressors
- 5. Maintain Healthy Habits
- 6. Create Connectivity
- 7. Practice Mindfulness Techniques
- 8. Have Fun Together
- 9. Set Boundaries
- 10. Take Time Out For Yourself
How We Can Help
Get matched with a counsellor
If you experience separation anxiety for six months or more, a mental health expert may identify it as a disorder. However, there’s no need to wait that long to seek help.
We suggest reaching out to a therapist if:
- It starts impacting everyday activities and personal connections
- Panic attacks occur
- Anxiety and unease are experienced days ahead of the separation
- Distress continues even after reuniting
Well Beings Counselling offers a safe environment to delve into anxious emotions alone or alongside your partner. Beneficial methods may involve:
- Cognitive-behavioural therapy is a technique that enables you to scrutinize, question, and modify distorted beliefs
- Incremental exposure or systematic desensitization
- Meditation and mindfulness exercises
Pareen Sehat MC, RCC
Pareen’s career began in Behaviour Therapy, this is where she developed a passion for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approaches. Following a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Psychology she pursued a Master of Counselling. Pareen is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors. She specializes in CBT and Lifespan Integrations approaches to anxiety and trauma. She has been published on major online publications such as - Yahoo, MSN, AskMen, PsychCentral, Best Life Online, and more.
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