Your seven-year-old daughter, usually excited about sleepovers, suddenly refuses to go to her best friend’s house. Your normally outgoing son now clings to your leg at birthday parties. Or perhaps your child’s stomach aches mysteriously appear every Monday morning before school. If these scenarios sound familiar, you’re not alone – and more importantly, neither is your child.
Recent studies show that up to 20% of children experience significant anxiety, making it one of the most common childhood challenges families face. But here’s the good news: understanding and managing childhood anxiety isn’t about eliminating all worry (that’s neither possible nor healthy). It’s about giving your child the tools to face their fears confidently.
Think of this as your roadmap to helping your anxious child become more resilient, one small step at a time.
What Does Anxiety Look Like in Children?
Just like adults, children/kids experience anxiety differently. A sign that spells worry in one child might be perfectly normal for another. The key is knowing what to look for in your child.
Age-Specific Symptoms of Anxiety to Watch For
Preschool and Early Elementary (Ages 3-7)
- Clings to parents more than usual
- Has separation anxiety
- Has difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Develops new fears (dark, monsters, being alone)
- Complains of tummy/stomach aches with no medical cause
- Shows sudden changes in eating habits
- Becomes extra sensitive to normal sounds or textures
Middle Childhood (Ages 8-11)
- Asks “what if” questions constantly
- Shows excessive worry about tests or peer opinions
- Has trouble concentrating or becomes restless
- Avoids social situations they used to enjoy
- Experiences frequent headaches or stomach issues
- Displays perfectionist tendencies
Pre-teens (Ages 11-13)
- Shows intense fear of embarrassment
- Refuses to participate in new activities
- Has difficulty sleeping or changes in sleep patterns
- Expresses feelings of inadequacy
- Shows increased irritability
- Avoids social media or becomes overly concerned about posts
Physical Signs You Can Spot
Children often can’t explain their anxiety, but their bodies tell the story:
- Sleep Changes: Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or wanting to sleep with parents
- Physical Complaints: Frequent headaches, stomach aches, or feeling sick (especially on school days)
- Eating Changes: Loss of appetite or suddenly picky eating
- Body Signals: Sweating, shaking, fast breathing, or tense muscles
Behavioural Signs That May Surprise You
Anxiety doesn’t always look like obvious fear. Watch for:
- Anger Outbursts: Sometimes anxiety masquerades as anger
- Excessive Planning: Needing to know every detail of upcoming events
- Avoidance: Making excuses to skip certain activities or places
- Seeking Reassurance: Asking the same questions repeatedly
- Focus Issues: Seeming distracted or having trouble completing tasks
- Rigidity: Intense reactions when routines change
⚠️ Important Note: The presence of these signs doesn’t automatically mean your child has an anxiety disorder. Children naturally experience periods of increased worry, especially during big life changes. The key is to notice patterns and how significantly these signs affect your child’s daily life.
What Parents Often Miss
Some less obvious signs of anxiety include:
- Being overly agreeable to avoid conflict
- Becoming the “class clown” to mask nervousness
- Taking unusually long to complete homework due to perfectionism
- Helping others excessively as a way to avoid their challenges
When to Take Note
Pay special attention when you notice:
- Multiple signs occur together
- Signs lasting more than two weeks
- Behaviours interfering with daily activities
- Your child expressing feelings of constant worry
- Physical symptoms with no medical explanation
Remember: You know your child best. If your parental instinct tells you something’s not quite right, it’s worth paying attention to.
🔍 Quick Parent Check: Keep a simple log of when you notice these signs. Note the:
- Time of day
- Situation or trigger
- How long it lasted
- What helped (if anything)
This information can be invaluable when discussing concerns with healthcare providers or school staff.
When Should Parents Be Concerned?
Every child worries sometimes – about tests, thunderstorms, or the first day of school. But how do you know when these worries have crossed a line? Let’s clear up the confusion.
Normal Anxiety vs. Potential Anxiety Disorder
Normal Anxiety Looks Like:
- Worrying about specific events (tests, performances)
- Brief periods of separation anxiety
- Age-appropriate fears that come and go
- Occasional reluctance to try new things
- Temporary sleep issues during stressful times
- Worry that responds to reassurance and support
Signs That Merit Professional Attention:
- Anxiety interferes with daily activities
- Physical symptoms persist without medical cause
- Sleep disturbance lasts more than two weeks
- Social withdrawal or refusing school
- Panic attacks or intense physical reactions
- Anxiety that doesn’t improve with parental support
Impact on Daily Life: The Three-Area Check
Ask yourself if your child’s anxiety is affecting these key areas:
- Home Life
- Difficulty with normal routines
- Major sleep disruptions
- Significant behavior changes
- Family activities are limited
- School Life
- Declining grades
- Difficulty participating in class
- Avoiding school or specific subjects
- Trouble maintaining friendships
- Social Life
- Refusing playdates or parties
- Limiting activities they used to enjoy
- Expressing loneliness
- Showing fear of social situations
Trust Your Instincts
If you’re reading this section carefully, you’re likely already concerned. Here’s what to consider:
- Has your child’s personality noticeably changed?
- Are they missing out on important childhood experiences?
- Does their worry seem excessive compared to their peers?
- Are you frequently modifying family plans to accommodate anxiety?
- Has anxiety become a daily topic of conversation?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, consulting with a healthcare provider is worth it.
🚨 Immediate Action Required If:
- Your child expresses thoughts of self-harm
- They show extreme panic or terror
- Physical symptoms are severe
- They completely refuse to attend school
- Daily functioning is significantly impaired
Remember: Early intervention often leads to better outcomes. There’s no harm in seeking professional advice, even if you’re unsure. It’s always better to check and find out everything’s okay than to wait and wish you’d acted sooner.
How Can Parents Help at Home?
Supporting an anxious child doesn’t require special training. Some of the most effective strategies are simple daily practices that any parent can implement. Here’s your practical toolkit for helping your child manage anxiety at home.
Creating a Supportive Environment
1. Establish Predictable Routines
- Create a visual schedule for mornings and bedtimes
- Give advance notice about changes when possible
- Keep mealtimes and bedtimes consistent
- Build in daily quiet time or “worry breaks”
2. Practice Open Communication
Do:
- Listen without jumping to solutions
- Validate feelings (“That does sound scary”)
- Ask open-ended questions
- Share age-appropriate stories of overcoming your fears
- Don’t:
- Dismiss worries (“Don’t be silly”)
- Force confrontation with fears
- Show your anxiety
- Make promises you can’t keep
3. Create a “Calm Corner”
Set up a designated space where your child can:
- Take deep breaths
- Use fidget toys or stress balls
- Look at calming pictures
- Listen to peaceful music
- Take a sensory break
Practical Coping Strategies
The “3B” Method for Anxiety Moments
- Breathe:
- “Birthday Cake” breathing: Smell the cake (inhale), blow out candles (exhale)
- “Snake Breath”: Long, slow hisssssing exhale
- “Square Breathing”: Draw a square with your finger, breathing in, hold, out, hold
- Body:
- Do a quick body scan
- Tense and relax muscles
- Try gentle stretching
- Use “shake it out” movements
- Brain:
- Name 5 things you can see
- Count backwards from 20
- Think of a happy memory
- Imagine your favorite place
Problem-Solving Toolkit
Teach your child the “CALM” method:
- Check your feelings (What am I feeling right now?)
- Ask for help if needed (Who can help me?)
- List your options (What can I do?)
- Make a choice and try it
Daily Practices That Make a Difference
Morning Routine
- Start with a positive greeting
- Include physical movement
- Allow extra time for transitions
- Review the day’s schedule
After School
- Provide a snack and quiet time
- Listen without pressure to talk
- Offer physical activity options
- Keep homework time structured
Bedtime
- Begin wind-down 30 minutes early
- Use consistent bedtime routines
- Allow time for worry sharing
- End with a positive reflection
Quick Intervention Tools
For Younger Children (3-7):
- “Worry Monster” that eats written worries
- Bubble blowing for deep breathing
- “Magic wand” to make worries smaller
- Stuffed animal “worry pets”
For Older Children (8-12):
- Worry journal
- Positive affirmation cards
- Mindfulness apps
- Stress scales (1-10)
Remember:
- Be patient – progress takes time
- Celebrate small victories
- Model calm behavior
- Keep strategies playful and age-appropriate
- Maintain consistent responses
🌟 Pro Tip: Start with one or two strategies and practice them regularly. Adding too many new approaches at once can overwhelm you and your child.
⚠️ Important: While these strategies can help manage anxiety, they do not replace professional help if your child needs it. Use them alongside professional support when necessary.
Want online therapy? Start sessions instantly— Stress-free and easy to use.
What Professional Help Is Available?
When home strategies aren’t enough, professional support can make a significant difference in your child’s anxiety management. Understanding your options is the first step toward getting effective help.
Types of Professional Support
Our experienced child mental health professionals offer several evidence-based approaches:
Individual Counselling
- Age-appropriate therapy sessions
- Safe, comfortable environment
- Both in-person and online options
- Flexible scheduling for families
Family Therapy
- Whole-family support strategies
- Parent coaching sessions
- Sibling involvement when helpful
- Cultural sensitivity focus
Group Programs
- Age-specific anxiety groups
- Peer support opportunities
- Skill-building workshops
- Parent education sessions
Treatment Approaches We Offer
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Research shows CBT is highly effective for childhood anxiety. Our approach includes:
- Teaching practical coping skills
- Understanding thought patterns
- Developing problem-solving abilities
- Building confidence gradually
- Parent involvement throughout
Clinical research demonstrates that both CBT and medication-based treatments are significantly more effective than placebo in treating childhood anxiety. Studies show these interventions have notably higher remission rates compared to wait-list controls. The combination of CBT with parental involvement has shown particular promise in treatment outcomes.
Art Therapy for Younger Children
- Express feelings through play
- Process anxiety in a natural way
- Build emotional vocabulary
- Develop self-regulation skills
Mindfulness-Based Techniques
- Age-appropriate meditation
- Breathing exercises
- Body awareness
- Stress management skills
Starting Your Journey
First Steps
- Free Consultation Call
- Discuss your concerns
- Learn about our approaches
- Ask questions
- Understand next steps
- Assessment Process
- Comprehensive evaluation
- Parent and child input
- School feedback when helpful
- Cultural considerations
- Treatment Planning
- Personalized approach
- Clear goals and timeframes
- Regular progress reviews
- Flexible adjustment options
How Can Parents Work with Schools?
Children spend a significant portion of their day at school, making it a crucial environment for anxiety management. Creating a strong partnership with your child’s school can provide the consistent support your child needs to thrive. Many parents find that once they open this line of communication, teachers and staff become valuable allies in supporting their children’s emotional well-being.
Building a Support Team
Your child’s school likely has more resources than you realize. Start by connecting with your child’s primary teacher, but remember that schools have multiple professionals who can help. The support team might include guidance counsellors, school psychologists, and special education teachers, who all bring unique expertise to supporting your child.
Key School Contacts
Classroom teacher
- School counsellor/social worker
- Special education coordinator
- School administrator
- School nurse
Creating an Action Plan
Every child’s anxiety presents differently in the school environment. Work with your child’s teacher to develop a specific plan that addresses your child’s needs. This plan should be simple enough to implement consistently but comprehensive enough to provide real support.
Consider including these elements in your plan:
- Identified triggers in the school environment
- Early warning signs staff should watch for
- Agreed-upon coping strategies
- Clear steps for escalation if needed
Effective Communication Strategies
Regular communication between home and school creates a strong foundation for support. Share relevant information about your child’s anxiety with their teacher, including successful strategies you use at home. This knowledge allows teachers to recognize anxiety symptoms and respond appropriately before they escalate.
Communication Methods
- Regular email updates
- Monthly check-in meetings
- Daily communication notebook
- Progress tracking system
Supporting Academic Success
Anxiety can significantly impact learning, but there are many ways to help your child succeed academically. Work with teachers to implement accommodations that support both emotional well-being and academic achievement. These adjustments don’t give your child an unfair advantage; they level the playing field and allow them to demonstrate their true capabilities.
Common Accommodations
- Extended time for tests
- Quiet space for work
- Break options when overwhelmed
- Alternative presentation methods
Managing Social Situations
The social aspects of school can be particularly challenging for children with anxiety. Work with school staff to identify opportunities for positive social interactions and gradual exposure to difficult situations. Building social confidence often requires a team approach between parents, teachers, and counsellors.
Physical Environment Considerations
Small environmental changes can make a big difference in managing anxiety at school. Talk with your child’s teacher about possible modifications to the physical space or daily routine that might help your child feel more comfortable and secure.
Homework and Assessment Strategies
Many children experience increased anxiety around tests and homework. Collaborate with teachers to develop strategies that maintain academic standards while reducing unnecessary stress. This might include breaking larger assignments into smaller chunks or providing alternative assessment methods.
Crisis Planning
While we hope it won’t be needed, having a clear plan for handling anxiety crises at school is essential. This plan should be shared with all relevant staff members and updated regularly based on what works best for your child.
Moving Forward Together
Remember that creating an effective school support system is an ongoing process. Regular check-ins and adjustments will help ensure the strategies continue to meet your child’s needs as they grow and develop. Don’t hesitate to reach out to our counseling team for additional support in working with your child’s school – we regularly collaborate with educational professionals to create comprehensive support systems.
🔔 Professional Tip: Consider having your child’s counsellor (with appropriate consent) connect directly with school staff to share insights and strategies that have proven effective in therapy sessions. This collaborative approach often leads to more consistent and effective support across all environments.
Supporting Your Child's Journey
Supporting a child with anxiety can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate this path alone. Remember that anxiety is highly treatable, and early intervention often leads to the best outcomes. Your role in recognizing signs, providing support, and seeking help when needed is crucial to your child’s well-being.
Whether you’re just noticing signs of anxiety or looking for additional support for your child, our team of experienced counsellors is here to help. We offer both in-person sessions at our British Columbia and Ontario locations and secure online counselling services across Canada.
🌟 Ready to start your child’s journey to better mental health? Book a free consultation:
- In-person sessions in BC and ON
- Secure online counselling is available
- Call: 604-305-0104
- Book Online
- Email: info@wellbeingscounselling.ca
If you’re experiencing a mental health emergency:
- Call 988 Suicide Crisis Helpline
- Visit your nearest emergency department
- Contact your local crisis resources
This content is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Our services are regulated by the College of Registered Psychotherapists in Ontario and British Columbia. We maintain strict confidentiality in accordance with PHIPA/PIPEDA guidelines.
This content is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult with a qualified mental health professional for personal guidance.
Sources and Further Reading
Academic Research
- Cartwright-Hatton, S., McNicol, K., & Doubleday, E. (2006). Anxiety in a neglected population: Prevalence of anxiety disorders in pre-adolescent children. Clinical Psychology Review, 26(7), 817-833.
- White, S. W., Oswald, D., Ollendick, T., & Scahill, L. (2009). Anxiety in children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorders. Clinical Psychology Review, 29(3), 216-229.
Clinical Guidelines and Reviews
- Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology (2014). Treatment outcomes studies for child and adolescent anxiety.
- Cleveland Clinic (2024). Anxiety in Children: Symptoms, Causes, Treatment & Prevention.
- Key sections: Overview, Symptoms and Causes, Diagnosis and Tests, Management and Treatment
- A comprehensive review of childhood anxiety prevalence, symptoms, and treatment approaches
Get matched with a counsellor
Pareen Sehat MC, RCC
Pareen’s career began in Behaviour Therapy, this is where she developed a passion for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approaches. Following a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Psychology she pursued a Master of Counselling. Pareen is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors. She specializes in CBT and Lifespan Integrations approaches to anxiety and trauma. She has been published on major online publications such as - Yahoo, MSN, AskMen, PsychCentral, Best Life Online, and more.
